Nothing's sexy anymore
Let's make a vow to bring back the sexy
Our world is infected by the dissonance of (appearing) to stand out while searching for places of fit. Trends of how to look, what to buy, and how fast you can get it have led to the downfall of taste and, as a consequence, our perception of what sexy is. How fast you can fit into the perception of what is trending as “hot” has drifted many people away from owning a timeless look that fits into who they are physically and even characteristically.
Well, what is sexy? First, let’s get out of the way that sexy is not sexual; those are two different things by definition. The problem with the public’s understanding of sexy is that some people will often go out of their way to try to sexualize someone who’s sexy to please their own perverted objectification. The best we can do is avoid (or gatekeep) the horned-out freaks who want to get into something to try to sexualize it, go to a club only to grind, to an event only if there are hot people there, or worse, break into entire industries because of some weird fetish.
Remembering people’s names
Being bilingual+
Skillful negotiation
Small talk involving genuine interest
It’s the genuine interest in life that is undeniably attractive. Being interested in other people for the simple reason of being interested in them and getting to know them as individuals, not as objects. Going down rabbit holes on topics simply for the love of the knowledge. Being well-versed in one or many skills. The multihyphenate will always and forever be sexy.
Sexy is something you feel when someone walks into a room, the way they carry themselves, how they smell, how they treat others kindly, and how it all comes effortlessly to them. You might liken it to someone having a celebrity-like presence without actually being a celebrity. For the fellas it’s the sprezzatura of being put together, but for both men and women it’s truly the ability to embrace all parts of the self - even if modern beaty standards see it as flawed.
Eye contact
Asking about your friend’s families
Leaving before it’s time to leave
Knowing what to order
Admitting you were wrong
What’s out of our control is what the media is promoting as being sexy. Just listening to new music, it seems like people are now putting what made original songs sexy into an algorithm and hoping it lands. There’s still hope in talents like CharlieXCX or FKA Twigs, but then there’s Addison Rae, who’s always resembled a knock-off Britney. The real crime is that the EDMification of most music has quite literally sucked the sexy out of most genres; take the two on opposite sides of the spectrum, R&B and country, which electronic music turns into workout songs or rave songs.
Nothing against electronic music, but the sexy electronic music will likely never be mainstream; it’s the sexy house music you have never heard before but know you have to move to. Not some sort of Fred Again bastardization of a Skepta song, which I only want to listen to in the gym or at a rave. This forced EDM sound caters mostly to overstimulated people who, after a long day of a Zyn, need to keep feeling the same way at a concert; the overstimulation epidemic is the antithesis of sexy. People are too stimulated to even identify what sexy is, since their prefrontal cortex is fried from a dopamine addiction.
Good posture
Learning from failure
Phone calls
Dripping sweat in the gym
Then there are the personal wellness practices which are understood as sexy. Addiction is something that’s dangerous, but corporations will try to push the idea that it’s sexy to have a nicotine addiction. Breaking addiction is sexy, but so is indulging on a great night with good people is sexy. And sure, losing weight and being skinny are all the rage right now, but sexy is eating healthy and balancing strength and cardio. What’s even sexier than being skinny is being in the process of maintaining or working toward a health and wellness goal.
Being skinny, well-dressed, and charismatically kind doesn’t happen overnight, but being sexy can, and that’s just about embracing the best version of yourself. When you do that, you’ll realize that your sexy never left.